I’m going to cover a lot of ground on these pages but I want to stress there is a single thread, a line of reasoning that pulls it all together. I set out to try to fix myself in the absence of mental healthcare because I could no longer tolerate the depression I was experiencing. I ended up in a prolonged crisis state that I’ll briefly describe elsewhere here and it led to a breakthrough that has only expanded in scope with my recognition. As it turns out the problems I was inflicting on myself are just one expression of a much more pervasive problem – one that affects everybody, all people. Due to my progress in treating my depression this way I applied the same reasoning to other issues like generalized and social anxiety, and I’ve more or less resolved them, too, at this point. I’ve also applied it to my addiction to anger with some success, and I’m well aware at this stage that I’m limited only by how much I want it.

People have been trying to identify and describe the flaw in people throughout our history and a good chunk of our prehistory. Today we still imagine various solutions to the problem but we have a great reluctance to apply science to it, and to accept what we find about ourselves on these scales. Philosophy is generally derided by the scientific community as unscientific while the scientific community is rife with unscientific dogma of its own. Professional pretense is just pretense because it is how we choose to value self honesty that matters in how we apply our intelligence and education, and so people who think themselves authorities in various areas are prone to unrealistically devaluing others. It’s a form of self validation to make their denials feel reasonable, or to make them “make sense” and these denials generally include the false belief that we can’t solve this puzzle.

I think in principle I have solved the puzzle and I think the only reason my opinion on the matter isn’t more common is because we are deeply enthralled by the causative problem – our endogenous addiction to the molecules of our emotionalism. I believe this process is so deeply ingrained in us that it is expressed in the geometry and bulk of our brains. In the beginning of our emergence into sapience we must have been terrified all of the time. We didn’t understand how the world worked, or how we worked, but we had to suffer through it all the same. It’s no surprise to me that we broke from the trauma, and that generations upon generations of successive trauma led us to poorly adapt to sapience.

Our brains are as wonderfully mutable as our worldviews in that we can essentially choose to sit down, analyze and reprogram ourselves as we wish. It is the expectations we are taught that we use to prohibit such behaviour, and it’s our emotions we abuse to enforce our expectations on ourselves. We hold ourselves hostage to making ourselves feel bad. It sounds so absurd, but this is what happens when we pretend we have no agency. The thing about false limitations we impose on ourselves is that they are impermeable and impassable until we relent and change our minds. I think most people have gone through their entire lives believing various false limitations of themselves were real, and it’s an awful thing. Our civilization has become so deeply dishonest in its beliefs that we’re on the verge of losing it to our overpopulation, our climate crisis, our greed and hate, and to our denial that we didn’t somehow bring all of these things on ourselves.

Humanity’s root problem is that we value the sensations we feel as emotions more than we value what is physically real. We exist in a real, physical system and so our rejections of its reality imperil us however we apply our self dishonesty. We readily become dependent on our emotional affinities, using the sensations both to cope with the stresses of our daily lives and also to make the falsity of our beliefs and rationalizations feel more reasonable and acceptable to us. We may know it’s wrong, but under the influence of our emotions of choice we can avoid sufficiently caring to correct our flawed beliefs and expectations. Feels over reals based denial now rules us culturally. It has been normalized and it is now expected that all people practice aspects of it in order to conform to normal social expectations. Outward dishonesty with each other has also been normalized. With these conditions it can only be expected that we are exactly where we are, and that on our current course we are dooming ourselves to suffer the most unnecessary suffering as we decline.

I genuinely believe that any person with at least a partial high school education could learn these ideas and choose to apply them to themselves without too much difficulty. I mean it is within our capacity as people to do this. We don’t want to because of our emotional addictions, not because we can’t, and not because we don’t know how. We refuse to consider the “how” because we value our feels over reals based denials more.

These pages explain my current take on what was and remain wrong with me, what’s wrong with humanity on various scales, and how I try to reconcile these issues in order to be able to live with myself in this world.